Every time I am in the presence of a believer, I become insecure. I am insecure about the fact that I cannot believe in anything or anyone without doubting or questioning so strongly. I am scared that unless I have something so strong to hold on to, I will be in trouble if i have to face a bad situation. Not that I have not faced bad situations. Yes i have had my share of everything in my life till date and surprisingly I have survived everything. there was a time when I felt I would loose myself but climbed back up by detaching myself from the problem and people associated with it. In some way I feel I am a runner. I would prefer to run than stay and face it. That was the reason I felt it was my inability to believe in something like god or religion with utter faith and surrender that is leading to my lack of rooting.
This concept of mine was shattered the day my son fell sick and i had run with him to hospital in the night. When the call came from hospital to bring the child back because there was trouble in the test results, the first thing I did was sit and eat my dinner. because my kid was sick whole day i didn't get much time to eat and i was feeling weak by this time. I realised I had to be strong for him. I ate and took him to hospital. I was not bothered about the fact that I was alone, I do not have even a single soul to turn to if something goes wrong. I knew I was enough. For my child, I could fight the world. I could face anything and go to any level if that had to be done for my baby.
This was all that needed to tell me that I ran only because the fight was not worth it. I ran because I didnt care enough to stand back and fight. I realised i do not need a religion or god to actually give me strength. this incident was a reminder of the fact that all I needed was love. My love for the people around me was enough for me to fight the world for them.
This concept of mine was shattered the day my son fell sick and i had run with him to hospital in the night. When the call came from hospital to bring the child back because there was trouble in the test results, the first thing I did was sit and eat my dinner. because my kid was sick whole day i didn't get much time to eat and i was feeling weak by this time. I realised I had to be strong for him. I ate and took him to hospital. I was not bothered about the fact that I was alone, I do not have even a single soul to turn to if something goes wrong. I knew I was enough. For my child, I could fight the world. I could face anything and go to any level if that had to be done for my baby.
This was all that needed to tell me that I ran only because the fight was not worth it. I ran because I didnt care enough to stand back and fight. I realised i do not need a religion or god to actually give me strength. this incident was a reminder of the fact that all I needed was love. My love for the people around me was enough for me to fight the world for them.
