Today on november 16 th am just 2 months away from completing my one year long engagement...
Is one year enough to know a person completely? At least is it enough to know is this person the right one for you? or to even decide if you can live ( i think you can replace "live" with "spend" if you are one of those boring kinds... well am not ;) ) your whole life this one person? away from your family and parents who were there to support you when you fell, to correct you when you were wrong.... will he be able to replace all of them ??
well i don't think we have any tests to find this out.... hi hi hi i really wish a blood test could tell you all this at once :) well since that is not possible... i think there is no real way of knowing... so there is only one thing you really can do and that is to believe in "yourself"... well strange enough.. i should have said believe in 'him" right???
well why don't we take a break and look inside..... don't we have enough in ourselves to live our life? to follow our dreams? Didn't our parents and family gave us enough to live it on our own? even to support them at some point???
I would like to believe yes.... they have taught me to change my course when i am wrong... to give it up when the cost is too high... to believe in it if my heart says so... and many many more things that will lead me in my life..
Now coming back to my course in this time.... when i put that ring on his hand, like most girls i didn't pray hope everything turns out right and we have a happy and prosperous family... No i could never do that.. of all the people on this earth me???? i was wondering... hello what is happening??? i am committing to someone i met jus 2 times and that too hardly a week before... how can i ? I have so many things to do in my life... so many dreams i would like to pursue, so many things i cannot live without, so many things i can't live with... I don't even know if he will be able to stand by me when i take my decisions.. i don't know know if he is strong enough to be with someone like me... There would be so many things he would disapprove in my past... so many things he would never have thought about in his future that i am planning in mine... so how can we just join our hands and start walking ????
Pausing for all those photos with him smiling?? that was the worst thing in my life.. with so many friends guys and girls... i have never felt so uncomfortable with anyone in my whole life.. i felt like he was some alien intruding into my world..
I wanted to scream out all this is wrong... what the hell is happening.. this is not possible... its my life... i don't remember anyone cautioning me about any feeling like this before.. i mean not when my dad asked me did u like d parents can we go ahead? well did i like 2 individuals i met for 15 minutes??? yeah may be yes, they were not rude with me so i don't see any reason for that to be a no... nor when my mom asked isn't he ok? i mean again i met him only for 5 minutes and that too not when i was fully conscious of what was happening...
well i believe those were my chances of objecting.. well and then what? another family another guy whom my horoscopes say is right for me?? huh... i believe better get it over with was the theory i followed then..
but when it came to engagement i can tell you for sure i was at point blank...
So after that slowly.. i mean very very slowly i started opening up to him... at first i was a little bit afraid about how he would feel if talk like this like that or will he fell am bold? am too proud etc etc... but then again i thought what is there to be so afraid of? if not now, later he will know i am bold well i am, that s a fact. so no point in hiding.. similarly everything sooner or later he will know what i really am.. so we began talking i understood i was becoming more a curious listener than my usual chatty self.. i began sketching his image... the image started growing from that of the man i was totally confused of to that of my man..
Well i mean it MY MAN :) i don't know whether it is my idea of my perfect partner that made him or that if it was his self that gave me this idea.. anyways i started analyzing him.. found his strengths and weakness, accepted his flaws, and his positive things.. I still am not sure about how he is able to put up with someone like me so easily... ( even if there is an effort behind it, he has never showed it till date :) ) or was it that we were really made for each other?? well i don't know.. i do believe in rebirths, may be i met him sometime before though my stars had to bring him to me this time... in any case....
i still don't know if it was that courage i got when i looked inside me that made me go ahead and accept him into my life or the courage he generated in me... in either case i did that.. now he is a part of my life as much as anyone of my friends.. as much as any of my family is... or even as much as i am a part of it...
All of us are normal people i mean the people we meet are as much normal as we are..so please don't put very high standards and find faults with them and be unhappy... accept them as u accept a friend.. a normal one for a start then your best friend.. then a part of our family.. then as a part of yourself...
i am not saying this because this is the way... just because this is the way it worked for me.. i mean for us....
Now am eagerly waiting for the photo session of our wedding which i want to do with my full self and not with a artificial smile but with a smile that comes from inside because it is beside him that i am standing.... beside my man....
