തണല്‍

ഈറന്‍ മിഴിയുടെ ആര്‍ദ്രതയിലും 

നനവ്‌ പടര്‍ന്ന കവിള്‍ തടത്തിലും 

വര്‍ഷ മേഘങ്ങളുടെ വിരഹ ദുഃഖം ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടിരുന്നു 

കൊഴിഞ്ഞു വീണ മല്ലി പൂക്കള്‍ 

കാലടിയില്‍ ഞെരിയാതിരികാന്‍ 

വഴിമാറി നടന്നപ്പോളും  

ചാഞ്ഞു വന്ന ചില്ലകളെ

 സ്പര്‍ശിക്കാതെ ഒഴിഞ്ഞു 

മാറി നടന്നപ്പോളും 

പെയ്തു തോര്‍ന്ന മഴയുടെ 

ബാക്കി പത്രങ്ങലില്‍ നിന്നുള്ള 

ഒളിച്ചോട്ടം ഇവയെന്ന് ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നു 

എങ്കിലും ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ നിഴല്‍ നിന്നോട് ചേര്‍ത്ത് വെച്ചു  

വര്‍ഷവും വേനലും മാറി വസന്തം വരുമെന്ന പ്രതീക്ഷയില്‍ 

ആ വസന്തത്തിന്റെ നിറവില്‍  നീയെന്റെ 

നിഴലിന്റെ തണല്‍ തിരിച്ചറിയുമെന്ന വിശ്വാസത്തില്‍ 

Yes, I am a vegetarian

"Oh you are a vegetarian? so what will you eat? " Honestly, this is the most annoying question in my life. Even the standard question " If you are not employed, why don't you have a baby? " annoys me a little less. The point is if you eat meat, good for you, but please don't talk to me like i am missing the best thing in the world. It is like telling a person wearing a cooling glass if you remove it, you will see better. The one wearing cooling glass obviously knows how it is without wearing that. It is just that he made a choice to wear it because he feels more comfortable that way.

I am a vegetarian by choice, not because i am a brahmin, not because my parents forced me to, not because i am on a diet, it is just because i am comfortable being so. I am not one of those people who smirk when i see someone is eating meat on my table, i am comfortable handling non veg, I just don't put in my mouth. So please mind your business and eat whatever you want, i can order my own food.

I have heard this theory that we are really three people, the person we think we are, the person others think we are, and the person we really are. and i believe in it. Because mostly if we care about what others think about us, we really cannot live life to the fullest, and the distance between what we think we are and what we really are should be minimum, for me being a vegetarian is about closing down that distance. I don't know why but the two things that disturb me the most is when someone forces me to do something i am really afraid of and when i am hurting someone knowingly. Both these things actually define the who i really am part because these are involuntary reactions that come from inside me. Now about the who i think i am part, I believe if i force myself to eat meat without thinking about it, i am actually hiding a real part of me which aches.

I can always think of meat as just food and chew it down by ignoring my own feelings and just by thinking aaah, its tasty . But the truth is at some point later that day or the next, the real me pops into my mind and will start disturbing me. I can always shut it down and ignore it again but then, i will be running away from who i really am and the distance between the real me and the one i think i am keeps on growing.

So my dear friends, when someone says that person dosen't like something accept it, they may have a good reason for it, which either you won't undrestand or which they do not want to share with you, so please don't force people to do things your way, it might be right for you, but remember that is not the only way. There is always a path that is right for every person which only they can identify.

ഇരട്ടകള്‍

ആരണ്യകത്തിലെ ആമ്പല്‍ പൂവേ 

നീ അറിയുന്നുവോ നിന്റെ ജന്മ പുണ്യം

ആര്‍ക്കുമേ സ്വന്തം അല്ലാത്ത സുന്ദരി

നീ അറിയുന്നുവോ സ്വാതന്ത്ര്യത്തിന്‍ മധുരം 

പാപ പുണ്യത്തിന്‍ കണക്കെടുപില്ലാത്ത 

സ്വച്ചന്ത മാരുതന്റെ നെഞ്ചിലെ നര്‍ത്തകി 

കറുത്ത ചെയ്തികളുടെ പുകപടലങ്ങലാല്‍ 

ശ്വാസനാളം അടഞ്ഞ എന്നേ അറിയുന്നുവോ നീ 

സ്വന്തം സുഗന്ധം പോലും വിട്ടുപോയ   

ഇ കൂടപിരപ്പിനെ അറിയുന്നുവോ നീ

നിന്നിലെകുള്ള ദൂരം താണ്ടാന്‍ കഴിയില്ലയെങ്ങിലും 

നിന്റെ  ഹൃദയതാളം ഞാന്‍ അറിയുന്നു 

വ്യത്യസ്തമാം വേഷങ്ങള്‍ ആടുന്നുവേങ്ങിലും 

നമ്മുടെ ആത്മാവ് എന്നും ഒന്നായിരിക്കുമല്ലോ 

The garlic bread....

Garlic bread - Soft Fluffy bread with crispy hard brown crust is just the right start for a delicious meal any time

This is the description you  will find about garlic bread in any pizza hut website. Garlic bread is like a side dish whenever you order a meal deal in pizza hut. I am sure all of you have wondered why they serve this, it is almost unwanted compared to a delicious juicy pizza. Trust me i have nothing against pizza even though Being a vegetarian limits my options to either margarita or veg pizza. But the secret is, i am one of those people who order a meal deal just to get the garlic bread.

It is actually the love for this side dish that forced me to think about life from a different angle. The angle we normally miss. Why is it that the pizza is always the one that is being marketed and not our dear garlic bread? Is the garlic bread not important enough? or is it because that people really don't care if they sell the garlic bread or not. Or may be because it is less costly. Or may be even because it is just a start for a meal time and not a real meal.

I would like to think of myself as a garlic bread in life. I am accessible only to those people who would separate me from my surroundings that are more profound than my personnel existence. I would like only those few people who can actually enjoy a garlic bread even though a pizza sits right next to it to come into my life. I mean i am available to all those who order a meal deal where the pizza is the star, but i open up only to those who realise that a garlic bread actually tastes good.

I know there are many garlic breads in between us. There are so many people who are known as somebody's son/daughter or somebody's wife/husband who is expected to come in as a package. What about them as an individual? I would like to believe that all these garlic breads have atleast one good chef who loves making them if not a whole bakery dedicated to them. Atleast some moments in their existence where they are appreciated for what they are. Where they actually will find a few people who appreciate their existence. Where they are important.

I don;t know how many of you will agree to me on this but i know a few would say in their mind, i will try enjoying a garlic bread next time i am in pizza hut. But dear garlic bread, i want you to remember there is this one me who loves you more than the pizza and i appreciate you for what you are. Dear readers, please remember, even if we are just garlic breads in a whole meal, remember there will be someone out there who loves a garlic bread.

ജീവിതത്തിനും മരണത്തിനും ഇടയില്‍

ആരുടെ അനന്തമാം വീഥികള്‍ 

നിന്ടെ കാലുകളെ തളര്ത്തിയോ 

ഇന്നിന്ടെ നന്മയോ 

നാളെയുടെ പ്രതീക്ഷയോ 

നിന്നെ നയിച്ചത് 

നീ കണ്ട കാഴ്ചകള്‍ 

സ്നേഹത്തിന്ടെ കണ്ണടയിലൂടെ 

സത്യത്തെ വെറുതതോ

സ്വന്തം സത്യം കാണാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിച്ചതോ
ഹൃദയം നുറുങ്ങുന്ന വേദനയിലും
ചിരിയുടെ മുഖം മൂടി നീ അണിഞ്ഞു
മരണം കവര്‍ന്ന ശ്വാസത്തിലും
നിന്റെ പുഞ്ചിരി മായാതെ നിന്നു

Ferrari world..

Normally i begin my posts with intro of the subject, but here i would limit it to these words "Ferrari world, abu dhabi"  and if you don't know the place, google it !!!

When i first came to abu dhabi, the eagerness of a traveller in me searched for places to explore in the city. This landed me with the first two most attractive destinations in the capital of UAE. The shaik zayed grand mosque and ferrari world. I considered both options, being an ardent visitor to temples at my homeland, my ideal evenings are characterised by the smell of agarbathis and the diety glowing the light from oil lit lamps where every mind chants a silent prayer. So this made me addicted to every place of devotion, mind you i have visited enough christian churches in my life so that jesus dsn't feel i am partial to krsihna :). The truth is i love god, in whichever form he appears or is called in. And i wanted to visit the famous mosque so much. The fact is that , till date i have not been able to yet but i am sure i will go there in future. 

And about the other destination in the list. Ferrari world, i was told that abu dhabi had a formula one track somewhere and i had seen this building that looks like a spider from top on internet made me think somehow this was a part of it. so when my husband told me we should go to ferrari world some day, all i thought was, what is there to see??? Later on i came to know that ferrari world is a ferrari themed park where you get to do a lot of rides just like our veega land :P from my very knowledgeable friend Hasli (well she always had an answer to my every question, not that all of them were true or i believed every one of them, but she atleast cared enough to answer me and i love her for that :) )About Ferrari again all i knew was that they had very expensive cars. Now why were they expensive or actually how expensive was never one of my problems as i was never a car person. 

I never intended to find out more as i was told that the tickets were very expensive and it is not really worth it. So i let it at that. But i honestly had a pang of fear whenever my hubby mentioned Ferrari world had the world's fastest roller coaster and we should go some day. Because i know this man and when he plans to do something, he actually gets it done. Roller coaster, I actually have never been in one even the smallest or simplest or slowest of them because i am someone who is totally afraid of the falling sensation even when a vehicle jumps on a hump ( i know you people may not have felt it. let me explain, it is the same feeling you get when you come down in a giant wheel, and yes i feel it even when a car jumps a hump, simply because i am afraid of it.)

And just like that one day my hubby calls from his office and tells me, their office is giving free tickets to ferrari world.. i honestly said really???he said yaaaa n aren't you excited? i am but it is on first come first sserve basis and also based on seniority and he was a relatively new employee... yippeee i thought there is hope we won't get it. I seriously don't understand why people enjoy such frightening experiences so much well my idea of fun begins with a book or a film and ends with a trip or a baskin robins ice cream. (Yeah i know i might be one of those boring kinds:P) Whatsoever i never understood fun where you have to be afraid that you may not live enough to tell the tale :P. And again on another day after a few weeks my hubby calls again, guess what, we got the free passes.. wah ADCO wah... is all i could think (ADCO being my hubby's company and the one that provides for everything right from the home i live in to the food i eat, i couldn't hate it but well i had every right to be angry, this is a little too much). 

In the following days i browse the net to see different pictures of the roller coaster track and reading experiences of people who jumped in to that, all i could feel was fear.. and i thought ok fine i can go there, enjoy some simpler rides and make him go in that alone.. And just like that when my fear of being compelled to ride in the world's fastest roller coaster was being buried under layers of hindi serials and english movies, there comes the next strike... My beloved cousin and childhood partner in crime is arriving in the city and just as i thought, we have decided to take him with us too... Well i could deal with one evil at a time. There was no way i will be able to fight them both and stay away from the roler coaster

So the d day comes and me along with my beloved husband and dear brother, sets off to ferrari world. There i practically got a lot of pics taken with a lot of cars (mostly in red colour) even though i didn't know the difference between any of them, well i did enjoy some rides and had fun there but the fear was still there as we were saving the roller coaster ride for the end. In between when we went to a smaller simpler roller coaster we were told that it was under repair and cannot go in there today so i was hoping against hope that somehow due to some miracle the same thing happens for the big one too. So thinking about all this i ascended the steps to the q. On the way my hubby was telling me do smile when the journey starts. They take pictures at that point and we can buy it. Huhhhhhhh all i could think was is this man even aware of what i am feeling??? i was wondering if all that would be left of me in the end was a picture. Not to forget my evil cousin who was reminding me of a roler coaster accident in the film final destination.. well thank you so much for reminding i was trembling from top to bottom. 

And finally we reach near it and i see my first glimpse of what looks like a bullet to me. Some foriegners did notice my plight and told me  don't worry you won't feel a thing after 4 seconds. So we finally stand in the q. There are about 3 batches of people to go before us. We see one of them go and come back. And the two fools standing in front of me and behind me are saying " oh there are two roller coasters waooo"  I really didn't care enough to correct them and say no gadhooo that is the same one coming back in around a minute just like a bullet. Well let them face it on their own. And finally our turn came. My hand and feet was trembling so much that i could hardly get into that and get my hold on. And first they roll us out and stop and the point where we are given the push . The push that takes us from 0 - 240 in 4 seconds.. and that happens finally. I could not hold my neck straight in the first fall. And in the worst of my interactions with the hot humid desert wind, i just could not lift my head back. I opened my eye for a split second and i thought i would faint right there. But somehow i did hold on and survived it alive. Thanks to the prayers of all my loved ones i was still alive when i came out. 

My hubby held my hand and helped me out of the roler coaster. My head was still spinning. My stomach was churning. I was not sure if i had a vomiting sensation or head ache or neck pain. Well even the most comfortable bus in the smoothest of the abu dhabi roads felt like i was riding a roler coaster on the way back. 

But someone inside me was telling, even facing the worst of the fears was worth it just for a smile on your loved one's face. And dear readers, if you ever want to ride in a roller coaster, please do so in veega land... it is much easier and seemingly safe. :P

നിനക്കായി

എന്റെ ഓരോ ചുവടും നിന്നിലെക്കാണെന്ന് നീ ധരിച്ചു 

ഞാന്‍ നടന്നത് എന്നിലെക്കായിരുന്നു 

എന്റെ അസ്ഥിത്വം തേടിയായിരുന്നു

ആ യാത്രയില്‍ നീ എന്റെ സഹയാത്രികനായി

വിശ്വസ്തനായ ഒരു സഹയാത്രികന്‍ 

പക്ഷെ ആ യാത്ര എന്റേത് മാത്രം ആയിരുന്നു

അതിന്റെ നന്മയും തിന്മയും എന്റെ മാത്രം അവകാശം 

വഴിയില്‍ എങ്ങോ വീണ കുപ്പിവളകള്‍ നീ പെറുക്കി 

അത് നിനക്കായ് കൊഴിഞ്ഞതെന്നു നീ ധരിച്ചു

പക്ഷെ അവ എന്റെ വഴിയിലെ മുള്ളുകള്‍ ആകെണ്ടവയായിരുന്നു 

എന്റെ ദുഃഖം നീ നെഞ്ചോടു ചേര്‍ത്തു

എന്റെ പാത രക്തം പൊഴിഞ്ഞു തെളിയെന്ടതു ആയിരുന്നു

നീ പുഷ്പം വിരിച്ച വീഥിയില്‍ എനിക്ക് എന്നെ തേടാന്‍ കഴിഞ്ഞില്ല 

പുഷ്പത്തിന്റെ  മൃതുലതയെ സ്നേഹിച്ചട്ടില്ല 

ഞാന്‍ എന്നും സ്നേഹിച്ചത് മുള്ളുകള്‍ ഉള്ള 

എന്ടെത് മാത്രം ആയ വഴിയെ ആയിരുന്നു

എങ്കിലും എനികായി കുപ്പിവള തുട്ടുകള്‍ സുക്ഷിച്ച നിന്നെ 

എനിക്ക് കൈ വിടാനായില്ല ഞാന്‍ നടന്നു നിന്റെ  കരം ഗ്രഹിച്ചു

എന്നില്‍ നിന്നു ദൂരെ എങ്കിലും നിനക്ക് അരികെ 

എനിക്കായി ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ഇനിയും ഒരു ജീവിതം വെറും എന്ന പ്രതീക്ഷയില്‍ 

ഈ ജന്മം ഞാന്‍ നിനക്കായി  മാറ്റിവെക്കുന്നു  

The journey from being somebody's daughter to somebody's wife...

All of us travel through a lot of different paths in our life. Of all these the most difficult one is the path that leaves from the home we have grown up and where we were loved for even the worst mistakes, and ends at the door step of a new world where you are just like the platform, you are the base for everything , but you are seldom noticed.

This is the journey every woman travels once in her life time and will never forget the distance covered. In every moment of her life henceforth, she will remember that the love in the starting and the end were the same though there was a significant difference between the amounts she received and gave.

The journey begins when she meets (or is introduced to) her better half. This one man walks into her life making all those fairytale dreams of hers seem true. He promises her love, happiness and care for the rest of her life. The truth is every two people meeting and marrying starts with the same " and they lived happily ever after", even the ones that go wrong.

Now about the ones that turn out good, are they really good? I am not very familiar about a man's point of view but i believe it is pretty much like this. A comfortable home, a good car, good income, an obedient wife, a couple of kids and he feels his life is perfect. What about her? What happens to her? She dosen't want the same things from life for sure. Her dreams of a perfect life does not depend on the size of the home, but on the amount of love in it. A big home just means a bigger place to clean. But a home where people are too busy to love is the stone that shatters her dream castle. She is supposed to understand when her career becomes merely a source of extra income which you have to break and continue based on the number of kids and financial stability of the family. She is supposed to be content when happiness is described by the number of people you are with or the costly clothes you wear. She is as hell supposed to cooperate when love becomes just sex. Where is the love in those romantic walks or in the morning breeze? Where is the happiness when it was just they both and could spend hours looking into each other? Where is the career that she strived to have, her parents gave up their whole life for her to reach those levels?

All of us women still remember those days when every dish cooked by mom or grand mom was the one you liked or the way you liked. And now, i am sure most of us don't even remember what your favourite dishes were. you will as well know what kind your husband and kids prefer at every hour of the day.

I am not talking about the freedom to do whatever we want and live our life at our will, but about being able to take those simple decisions of our life. Of what to wear, of how to talk, of what and when to eat, of being ourselves, other than just that wife or mother. To have friends who does not belong to the category of 'family friends", to have a life other than just being the homemaker.

If men prefer watching cricket to talking, that is fine, but please let us talk to someone who is willing to listen. If you prefer browsing on the net to help in the kitchen, just don't bother to complain when the number of dishes are reduced. If you don't bother to ask you wife is it ok to invite friends home, you don't get a say on her outings with her friends.

When every man points his daughter's dreams high, all i want to tell them is, your wife was there once and knowingly or unkowingly you also had a hand in shattering them. So you might pay the price for it.

So women, am glad you all made that journey, not because it is inevitable but because i am sure somewhere on the path, you did find out your worth and your value.

This is dedicated to all those women who gave up almost everything they wanted just to make her family happy and to all those men who supported their better halves in every way they could inspite on the conventional ways of our society (i am lucky to have one of them :), love you dear...).

അബു ദാബി ജീവിതം

ജന്മം കൊണ്ട് മലയാളി ആയി പോയത് കൊണ്ട് മാത്രം രക്തത്തില്‍ അലിഞ്ഞു ചേര്‍ന്ന ഒരു വാക്കാണ്‌ " ഗള്‍ഫ്‌ ". അപ്പുരത്തേം ഇപ്പുരത്തേം ഇടക്ക് നമ്മുടേം വീട്ടില്‍ വരുന്ന ഗള്‍ഫ്‌ മിട്ടായി. ആ മിട്ടായികളുടെ സ്വാതില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന വിയര്പിന്റ്റെ ഉപ്പുരസം തിരിച്ചറിയാന്‍ വേണ്ടിയാണോ എന്നറിയില്ല കാലം എന്നെ ഇവടെ കൊണ്ടെത്തിച്ചത്. ഗള്‍ഫ്‌ ജീവിതം മണലാരണ്യത്തിലെ മരീചിക മാത്രം ആണെന്ന് അറിയാമായിരുന്നു പക്ഷെ ദൂരേന്നു നോകുമ്പോള്‍ ഉള്ള പച്ചപ്പ്‌ പോലും എന്നെ ആകര്ഷിചിരുനില്ല. ജനിച്ച നാട്ടില്‍ ഒരുപാട് പച്ചപ്പ്‌ കണ്ടത് കൊണ്ടായിരിക്കാം  അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ചിലപ്പോള്‍ ആ പച്ചപ്പിനപ്പുറം വരണ്ട വേനലിന്റ്റെ ചൂടുന്ടെന്നു അറിഞ്ഞത് കൊണ്ടായിരിക്കാം...

ഒരു മനുഷ്യന്റ്റെ ജീവിതം തുടങ്ങുന്നത് അവന്റ്റെ  ഈ ഭൂമിയിലെ ആദ്യത്തെ കരച്ചിലില്‍ ആണെന്ന് കേട്ടിട്ടുണ്ട്. പക്ഷെ നമ്മുടെ സ്വന്തം ജീവിതം തുടങ്ങുന്നത് എവിടെ നിന്നാണ് എന്ന് ചിന്തിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ടോ? എന്റേത് എന്റെ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്ന ഇടത്തു നിന്നാണ് തുടങ്ങുന്നത്. എന്റെ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്നത് എന്റെ വേനല്‍ അവധികാലങ്ങളില്‍ നിന്നാണ് എത്രേല് പഠിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഉള്ള അവധി ആണെന്ന് അറിയില്ല. കാരണം എന്റെ എല്ലാ അവധിക്കാലങ്ങള്‍ക്കും ഒരേ രുചിയും മണവും ആയിരുന്നു, കണ്ണന്‍ ദേവന്‍ ചായ പോലെ. ചായ എത്ര കുടിച്ചാലും മടുക്കില്ലല്ലോ അത് പോലെ എന്റെ അവധിക്കാലങ്ങളും എന്നും പ്രിയപെട്ടവയായിരുന്നു. 

അമ്മൂമ്മേടെ കൂര്‍ക്കം വലിം, തങ്ക ചേച്ചിടെ നീളന്‍ മുടിം, ജനാലയുടെ അഴികളാല്‍ വരയിട്ട കാഴ്ചകളും, കണ്ടാലും കണ്ടാലും മതിയാവാത്ത കാര്ടൂനുകളും, പിന്നെ എന്നെ തന്നെ എനിക്ക് കാണിച്ചു തന്നിരുന്ന പുസ്തകങ്ങളും. 

ഇന്ന് വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ക്കപ്പുറം എന്റെ ഓര്‍മയുടെ ഇങ്ങേ അറ്റത് ഞാന്‍ ഇരിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ വീണ്ടും ഒരു അവധികാലം വന്നത് പോലെ. ഇവടത്തെ ജനാലകള്‍ക്കു അഴികളില്ലെങ്ങിലും, ഇവിടത്തെ കാറ്റിനു മുല്ലപ്പൂവിന്റെ  മണമില്ലെങ്കിലും, ജനലിലൂടെ നോകുമ്പോള്‍ ചിരിക്കുന്ന അയല്കാരില്ലെങ്ങിലും, ഞാന്‍ വീണ്ടും ഒരു അവധികാലം ആഘോഷിക്കുന്നു.  ഈ മരുഭൂമിയുടെ മടുപ്പിക്കുന്ന യാന്ത്രികതയില്‍. എന്റെ ഓര്‍മയുടെ രണ്ടറ്റത്തും ഒരുപോലെ നിറഞ്ഞു നില്‍കുന്ന ഏകാന്തത ആയിരിക്കാം എന്നെ ഇപ്പോള്‍ ആ വേനലവധിയെ പറ്റി ചിന്തിപിക്കുന്നത്.

എങ്കിലും ഒരുപാട് നല്ല സൌഹൃദങ്ങള്‍ക്കും internet ഇനും  face book ഇനും  എല്ലാം ശേഷം ഈ വേനലവധിക്കും ഒരു സുഖമുണ്ട്. 

ഒരിക്കലും കാണാന്‍ സമയം കിടാതിരുന്ന പഴയ സിനിമകളും ഒരിക്കാലും കാണിലെന്നു വിചാരിച്ച സീരിയല്‍ ഉകളും പങ്കിട്ടെടുക്കുന്ന എന്റെ ദിവസങ്ങളില്‍ ചില അതിഥികളും ഉണ്ട്. ഞാന്‍ വിളികാതെ കടന്നു വരുന്നവര്‍, ഇവടത്തെ എന്റെ ആദ്യത്തെ കൂട്ട് ഭയം ആയിരുന്നു. അപരിചിതമായ എന്ദിനോടും മനുഷ്യന് തോനുന്ന ആദ്യത്തെ വികാരം. 

ഈ വികാരത്തെ ഞാന്‍ ചോദ്യം ചെയ്തത് വാര്‍ധക്യം കൊടികുത്തി വാഴുന്ന ശരീരവുമായി പല നിറങ്ങളിലുള്ള സരീകള്‍ ഉടുത് ദിവസവും വൈകുന്നേരം നടക്കാന്‍ ഇറങ്ങുന്ന അമ്മൂമ്മയെ കണ്ടപോളായിരുന്നു.  ഒരുപക്ഷെ അവര്‍ക്കും ഈ നഗരം അപരിചിതമായിരിക്കാം. അവര്‍ ചെന്നൈ യിലെയോ ആലപ്പുഴയിലെയോ തെരുവുകളില്‍ കൂടി നടന്ന വൈകുന്നേരങ്ങളെ ഓര്‍ത്തായിരിക്കാം  ഈ നടകുന്നത്. അങ്ങനെ ആദ്യത്തെ കൂട്ട് എനിക്ക് നഷ്ട്പെട്ടു,

 അപ്പോള്‍ എനിക്ക്  മുന്‍പില്‍ തുറന്നത് ഈ നഗരത്തിന്റ്റെ വാതിലുകലായിരുന്നു . പല നിറത്തിലുള്ള കെട്ടിടങ്ങള്‍ മാത്രം അവകാശപെടാന്‍ ഉള്ള കാഴ്ചകള്‍ കണ്ടു ഞാന്‍ ഈ നഗരത്തിലെക്കിറങ്ങി. അറിയുന്ന വഴികളിലുടെ നടന്നും അറിയാത്ത വഴികളിലുടെ ടാക്സി വിളിച്ചും ഞാന്‍ ഈ നഗരത്തെ അറിഞ്ഞു.Mall ഉകളുടെ ഉള്ളിലെ  ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് കലര്‍ന്ന മലയാളം മുതല്‍ രഹിം ഇക്കെടെ ടാക്സിയില്‍ കേട്ട മലയാളം പാട്ട് വരെ എന്നെ ഈ നഗരതോടടുപിച്ചു, sharing രൂമുകളിലെയും villa കളിലെയും ജീവിതം പറഞ്ഞത് ഒരേ കഥയായിരുന്നു ഒറ്റപ്പെടലിന്റെയും ഓര്‍മകളുടെയും ഗന്ധമുള്ള അതെ കഥ. എങ്കിലും എല്ലാവരും ഓടി കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു. വലിയ കെട്ടിടങ്ങളുടെ ഭംഗി ആസ്വദിച്ചു  ഈ കെട്ടിടത്തിനു  മുറ്റത്തെ മുവാണ്ടന്‍ മാവിന്റെ  ച്ചായ ഉണ്ടോ എന്ന് ആലോചിച്ചു 

ഇടയ്ക്ക് വിളിച്ചു പറയണമെന്ന് തോന്നും ഏയ്‌  കൂറ്റന്‍ കെട്ടിടങ്ങളെ നിങ്ങള്‍ക്കിടയില്‍ ഈ ചെറിയ ഞാനും ജീവികുന്നുണ്ട് 

സംഭാധിക്കാനോ, സുഖിക്കാനോ, ആരെയെങ്ങിലും സഹായിക്കാനോ അല്ല. വെറുതെ ഒന്ന് ജീവിക്കാന്‍, ഈ അവധികാലം കഴിയും വരെ മാത്രം... 

acting it out

I have been lost n i have been found. 

Thanks to those who did find me 

coz am still away from my destiny.

In the retarding race of life

i lost my soul

i became an actor

the one who acts 

like he has a soul

And when destiny calls 

all i can do is act like i ddn hear it

sorry to myself

pathetically i weep

on reasons i myself 

could never figure out y

When my soul looks at me from where i left it 

i look back at it and says 

i would rather weep over your death than 

let my loved ones weep over my life

oh the life i wanted to live

oh the one i would love to even take a peek

the one in which i am the only commander

where i am the one who controlls my life

where my soul lives happily with me 

oh i miss you

but i would rather weep over your death

than let my loved ones weep over my life

ambition

Once I had an interview with an MNC for a job. a natural thing after studying for so many years. Life has taken me through so many routes, so many paths and even banged me on a black wall at times. The course of life has always been unpredictable. Honestly speaking i have even enjoyed the element of surprise it has given me throughout the journey. Yes i have always loved my life and for the action packed and intriguing life i have had i would like to thank the director. Coming back to the interview, there was something said by the interviewer that struck me particularly.

He said considering the number of women who survive in the field, only ambitious one's survive and i can see that ambition in your eyes. Ambitious ??? me?? well yes i should say. but the question is since when? i don't know. being an engineer was a course of life the family and society had imposed upon me. I did enjoy the neck breaking freedom of a government engineering college and the world of machines and chemicals. but again at the end of the day, i do remember a girl who did want to be a house wife. who wanted to take care of a home that she could call hers. to wait for her man to return from a days work, to take care of his needs. to be a good and simple mom. when did the priorities change from being a home maker to making a home? from being the dependent daughter and wife to an independent employer?

I didn't study to get a job. if so i would have taken up an IT job that came my way immediately after b tech. i studied because i enjoyed it. i loved what i was doing. so i never wanted to work because i studied. I was always an independent soul. independence was so important to me that i couldn't even think of a day passing by when i have to depend upon anybody. it is from this thirst of independence the idea of financial independence came i believe.

A financially independent employed woman had a lot more opportunities than a simple home- maker.