ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു...

എന്‍റെ ഓരോ ചുവടും ക്രൂശിക്കപ്പെട്ടപ്പോഴും

എന്‍റെ ഓരോ ശ്രമവും വിഫലമാക്കപ്പെട്ടപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ ചിറകുകള്‍ അരിഞ്ഞപ്പോഴും

എന്‍റെ കാലുകള്‍ തച്ചുടച്ചപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ കണ്ണുനീര്‍ അപ്രത്യക്ഷമായപ്പോഴും

എന്‍റെ പുഞ്ചിരികള്‍ വില്‍ക്കപ്പെട്ടപ്പോഴും  

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ ഹൃദയത്തില്‍ ചവിട്ടി നീ വളര്‍ന്നപ്പോഴും 

എന്‍റെ പ്രാണന്‍ കുടിച്ചു നീ ജീവിച്ചപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ ആയുധം നിന്‍റെ രുചിയറിഞ്ഞപ്പോഴും
എന്‍റെ ബലിത്തറ നിന്‍റെ രക്തത്താല്‍ ഉണര്‍ന്നപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ വഴികള്‍ ഞാന്‍ വെട്ടിയപ്പോഴും
എന്‍റെ ആകാശം ഞാന്‍ വരച്ചപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

എന്‍റെ ചുവടിന്‍റെ  ഉറപ്പില്‍ ലോകം വിറച്ചപ്പോഴും
എന്‍റെ കണ്ണിലെ അഗ്നിയില്‍ വെന്തു വെണ്ണീറായപ്പോഴും

ഞാന്‍ സ്ത്രീയായിരുന്നു

ജീവിതകാവ്യം

ജീവിതം മുഴുവന്‍ ഒരു കവിതയായി ഒതുക്കാന്‍ കഴിഞ്ഞിരുന്നെങ്കില്‍  
ഋതു ഭേതങ്ങളില്‍ തീര്‍ത്തൊരു മനോഹര കാവ്യം ആകുമായിരുന്നു എന്‍റെ  ജീവിതം

എനിക്കായി  രചിക്കപ്പെട്ട കാവ്യമേ ഞാന്‍ എന്‍റെ വികാരങ്ങളിലൂടെ നിന്നോട് നീതി പുലര്‍ത്തിയോ?

ഇനിയും ഋതു മാറി, വരണ്ട വേനല്‍ വരുമോ? 

കണ്ണുനീര്‍ ചാലുകളാല്‍ മാത്രം ജീവന്‍ നിലനിര്‍ത്താന്‍ പോരുന്ന അതേ വേനല്‍??

ഭയമല്ല രചയിതാവേ,  നീ അറിയുക - ഞാന്‍ പരിചിത...

എന്‍റെ വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ എനിക്കായി കാത്തു വെച്ച നിനക്കെന്‍റെ   നൂറു നൂറു നന്ദി..

ഇനിയും വേനലുകളുടെ അവസാനം കുളിര്‍ മാരി പെയ്യിക്കാന്‍ മറക്കരുതേ എന്ന്  അപേക്ഷ...  

എനിക്കായി മാത്രം ഒരു വേനല്‍ പിറക്കുമെങ്കില്‍ ഇനിയും ഉരുകാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ തയ്യാര്‍ 

സ്വന്തമെന്ന സുഖം, ജീവിതം എന്ന കാവ്യം, എല്ലാം പഠിക്കുവാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇനിയും തയ്യാര്‍ ..

My first English class

Of all the days in my life that i have spent in different class rooms right from kinter garden where i was taught to eat my food without spilling to my chemical engineering classes where i was forced to fiddle with the most sophisticated calculators to solve those problems which i was sure i will never be able to and even if i did by any luck i will never know for why, this was one class i will never forget.

A class where i didn't have to keep my dreams outside, where i was allowed to travel in time and imagine what was being taught i class. A class where i don't have to force down the logics and assumptions that are never logical. A class that taught me to dream, imagine create, where originality was more valid than anything, where i don't have to vomit out all those derivations which someone once derived to solve some problem he thought was relevant...

I don't know how many people reading this will ever know this feeling because not every one gets a chance to do what they love or what their heart wants. I knew this because for the first time since i started wearing a watch, today i didn't look at it the whole day. strange, but true, time was flying, through tales of Shelly, J Austen, mesmerized in the beauty of English poetry...

I don't know if i will ever complete this degree or if i will ever write it's exams but 1 thing is for sure, i was never wrong when i said i want to study literature, i know now because today i could feel my heart bouncing with joy.

Thanks to all my friends who stood by my side helped me wage this battle against the conventional methods, thanks to everyone who understood me when i said i want to join this course and above all thanks to all those people who believed in me....

valentine's day....

a life begins when there is someone beside you

to hold your hand when you trip,

to lead your way when you are lost,

to accept you when the world rejects you,

to understand your craziest ideas,

to laugh together when tears pour out,

to cry together when all you have is love to share..

when the path is unknown,

the light of love will guide...

when thorns spill blood, 

the warmth of love will heal..

The other side

Whenever we read a news or hear a rumour, how many of us will bother to analyse it and make out the amount of truth in it? To be honest, even am one of those people who would enjoy the article for the added masala and leave it at that.

But do we always take everything at the face value alone??? what if the person in question is someone we know very well? then we tend to find out more and know what is happening. But again how many times do we really think that person would have had a definite reason for doing that? Or rather how many times do we believe that our "right" may not be everybody's right? I can tell you that happens only when our right is everyone else's wrong. Or when we ourselves fall in trouble. That is the only possible instance when we can actually see "the other side" of the issue. 

But again when the person in question is someone you can trust your life with, then again even if you don't see the other side, you always know there is an other side. And that is the greatest trust you can give for someone. That is when you believe there is a right in that persons wrong beyond the damage that has done to you, even though you have no idea what that can possibly be..

For someone who can justify "ravana" in ramayanam, "judas" for betraying christ, he can justify any villain in his daily life.  That is there is always another side for everyone. Like it is said, no one is born as a criminal, it is his situations that make him one. 

Now the question comes why do we have to do that? why can't we just leave ravanas for their fate and continue living? The answer is that unless we are able to forgive someone for the wrong done to us, we will never be able to forget the hatred, and the longer that stays the more dangerous it becomes. Hatred slowly creeps into our system and will start affecting us making us frustrated day by day. And the need for revenge starts to show up. And then finally once we repay that old ravana, we become a new ravana. and that chain never ends....

So always try and look at the other side of things before you shower your anger on someone or else remember it is a "vicious circle"

ചെമ്പകം

ഏതോ സ്വപ്നതിണ്ടേ താഴ്വരയില്‍ ഞാന്‍ നിന്ടെ സുഗന്ധത്തില്‍ മയങ്ങി നിന്നു

എന്റെ സ്വപ്നത്തിലെ സുഗന്ധങ്ങള്ക് എന്നും നിന്ടെ നനുത്ത സ്പര്‍ശം കൂട്ടുണ്ടായിരുന്നു

ഞാന്‍ മറന്ന എന്റെ ബാല്യതിണ്ടേ ഒര്മിപിക്കളായി നീ പിന്നെയും എന്നേ തേടി വന്നു

പാടത്തെ മൂടല്‍ മഞ്ഞില്‍ നിന്ടെ സുഗന്ധം ആസ്വദിച്ചു

തണുപ്പിനെ പുല്‍കി തുടങ്ങിയിരുന്ന എന്റെ പ്രഭാതങ്ങള്‍

പിന്നീടെപോഴോ പുസ്തകങ്ങളിലേക്ക്  ഉണരുന്ന പ്രഭാതങ്ങളില്‍

 ഞാന്‍ അവഗണിച്ച എന്റെ ബാല്യത്തിന്റെ ഗന്ധം

നിറകൂട്ടുകള്‍ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ചാലിച്ചപ്പോളും ഞാന്‍ നിന്നെ മറന്നു

എന്റെ പുതിയ സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്കു  നല്കാന്‍ നിന്ടെ ഇളം നിറം പോരാതെ വന്നു..

എങ്കിലും കണ്ണുനീര്‍ കുത്തിര്‍ത്തിയ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളുടെ ഇടവേളയില്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഓര്‍ത്തിരുന്നു

പോട്ടിചിരുക്കുവാന്‍ നിന്റെ ഒരു കൂമ്പിയ ഇതള്‍ മാത്രം മതിയായിരുന്നെങ്ങില്‍ എന്ന്

ഇന്നും ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ ഓര്‍മകളില്‍ ഒരു ചെമ്പക മരം സൂക്ഷിക്കുന്നു

എന്റെ ബാല്യത്തിന്റെ സുഗന്ധം എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ പടര്തുവാന്‍

My new year resolution

 A new year begins with hopes, dreams, expectations.. and what not….

Well for someone like me, for whom the only definition of success is happiness, it is not so. It starts with a question,” what will make me happy this year?” and the answer???

Hmmm no points for guessing I jus want to be normal, not that I am some weird person, but there are some people in this world, (I believe atleast a few) for whom being normal just isn’t an option. And I know this very well because am one of those lucky souls.

For those of you who don’t understand this, I can explain, it is something like this that whenever someone has to pick one from a crowd including you, it is default that YOU will be chosen. I mean it. Really sometimes I even wonder is it wishing me that atleast this time it should not be me that brings this down on me again?  

Not that you are very attractive or on the converse strikingly bad looking, but it is like a sword that is hanging up above your head. This sometimes really bugs to the extend that whenever you choose a dress to go out, the only thing you can think about is it should not be too good or too bad to attract attention.

And the real life situations these “chosen” people land on…. Huh better not to mention. I am sure none of these people would ever dare to sneak out with a bf/gf because it is default that you will meet someone you know and hopefully not your parents. And not to mention what we say, I don’t know how it is always exactly “what not to be said” in that occasion just pops out of my mouth. But yes you will know that was wrong once the after effects like a few tears, broken hearts, spoiled partys, etc start showing up J

Imagine going on a tour with a big group and if there is a pit on one side of the road, or a stone lying somewhere, who should trip and fall??? Yes of course, you are right. And it dosen’t happen unless there is a big crowd to embarrass you.

well it is always not so bad to be like that, because sometimes it pays off. For example, if there is someone you genuinely like, it is guaranteed that either that person will be weird just like you or very different from the crowd. I don’t know how many of you will believe this but you can easily pick chosen people by the number of “lucky draws” or lottery tickets they win. Ah yes not to mention the tests they clear if luck is the basis and not knowledge.

I have heard that by the end of one birth, our soul will probably have a very good idea of what it wants in it’s next life to go ahead in it’s journey, I always wonder, how exactly did my soul land in this conclusion? Hi hi hi.

So this new year my resolution was that I will attempt to stay out of trouble atleast for one good day. So I switched off my phone, said leave from college and sat at home watching tv. C’mmon I was just asking for one single day and guess what, trouble came knocking on the door. So now I know there is no escape, face it dear, THIS IS YOUR LIFE and his won’t stop till some miracle happens. And what that is, well I don’t know. May be this is just god’s way of taking me to my destiny. Wherever or whatever that is, I can tell you the journey is not very easy but interesting enough though.

So for now, I continue to live MY LIFE and keep adding to the book my friends call “mandu’s mandatharangal” and thanking all those people who was always there to lend a helping hand when they saw me falling...